The Marauders Chronicles
by muppetmadness
Summary: Remus and Sirius are in love, Lily and James are destined for each other and Peter is in way above his head. My version of the Marauders 7th year. RLSB JPLE others
1. Nakedness and the Finished Product

Remus leant his head against Sirius's shoulder and his friend draped his hands around Remus's bare chest protectively. The pair sat on the floor. Sirius, the taller of the two, leant against his four-poster, Remus sitting between his legs, his back pressed against Sirius's chest as Remus's hazel eyes looked up into the other boy's deep grey ones. Remus sighed and closed his eyes peacefully. He'd almost forgotten the full moon was only a day away. Almost.

Suddenly the door of the dormitory opened and James ran in, waving a piece of parchment over his head triumphantly. He paused as he saw his two friends on the floor and covered his eyes.

"Alright guys, It's weird enough you dating and everything but seriously, sitting there surprising innocent people like me while your _naked_!"

"We aren't naked," Sirius pointed out, laughing, "We're topless. I don't know whether you've noticed but we do have pants and jeans over our dicks." Remus blushed as Sirius continued, "And you are most definitely not innocent."

James nodded in agreement. "Point taken. OK The map is finished, at last, finally."

Remus cocked his head, "James… we finished that map in our second year, we've been using it for the whole of our school lives and NOW you tell us it isn't finished?"

"Yes Moony my dear friend, but it hasn't done this before has it?" asked James dramatically as he waved his wand over the parchment and cried, "Show yourself!"

He passed it to Sirius to see what the map had done. Black lettering had appeared, forming the words:

"**Messer Padfoot would like to remind Messer Prongs that he needs to stock up on his memory potion if he can't even remember the simple phrase which opens this amazing piece of marauding magic."**

Sirius grinned, "Sounds like something I'd say!"

James rolled his eyes, "Yes Padfoot, that was the general idea!" The map continued writing.

"**Messer Moony would like to point out that memory potion _deletes _memories, it doesn't help you remember them."**

"**Messer Padfoot would like to encourage Messer Prongs to say something stupid against because Messer Moony looks sexy when he is being a smart-arse."**

Remus shoved Sirius's arm and blushed, something he seemed to be doing a lot more now that he AND Sirius were dating. Sirius looked unabashed, "Yep definitely sounds like me." He proclaimed to James who grinned. Something _he_ seemed to be doing a lot more now that he was in seventh year and therefore decidedly mature enough to get rid of his inflated ego, at least some of it, and therefore enabling him to get more than evil looks from one Lily Evans.


	2. Big News and Lucky Nights

A/N Hey, this is Rowan/Roo/Skye Summers (read our new fic to find out wiggles eyebrows in a mysterious yet persuasive way)

This story is my Marauders fic written purely to annoy the other ¾ of muppetmadness (Josie, Claudia and Jess) who don't like Remus/Sirius fics bitches 

Sorry it took SOOO long but I had exams and GCSE options and… OK those are lame excuses that Josie would be pulling her hair out about and one of the reasons she doesn't read non-completed fics. I just didn't even realise I had this up here until I looked at our profile and saw it there so here it is… Hope you enjoy…

Oh and BTW this is dedicated to the amazing Science/ Maths/ French-buddy of mine Hannah d, who gave me so much fun, and a lot of quotes. The conversation between James and Sirius on the scraps of paper during a Potions lesson is almost the exact copy of the notes me and Hannah passed during a Chemistry lesson prior to my Murder Mystery Party.. I'll leave you to guess who is who!

---------------------------------- MWPP-------------------------------------

The next week all the school was talking about was the big news; the headliner.

Sirius Black and Remus Lupin were together. As in "TOGETHER together as opposed to together together" as Ravenclaw Rita Skeeter so eloquently put it.

The nature of their relationship was out... well and truly. And surprising for many students it wasn't some dirty rumour a third year had spread, or a viscous quip by one of the Slytherins. No it was Black who had proclaimed it to the world. Well less "the world" and more "Hogwarts" and less "proclaimed" as wearing a neon pink tank top sporting the slogan.

"It's not what you do, it's who you do! I 3 Remus Lupin and his smart-arse"

Funnily enough many of the female population of the school could be seen in the corridors trying to see exactly what Sirius meant when he mentioned Remus's butt.

The week after that the talk was all about the afore-mentioned "coming-out" party. Remus had hidden behind a large book when Sirius had announced his "party of fun Marauder-style to a select few individuals of our choosing" saying it was totally unnecessary and rather awkward.

Still, the party was two weeks away; there was plenty of time for such trivialities later!

---------------------------------- MWPP-------------------------------------

Potions was not James's favourite subject by any stretch of the imagination. The formulas and combinations meant nothing to him, which was why he was thankful his partner was set as Peter, who excelled in potions well beyond anything else. Not that his marks across the field were anything to go by.

Lost in his hap-handed splicing of a particularly bony newt James felt someone poking his back with a wand and turned around to see Maggie Johnson holding a scrap of parchment out to him discreetly. James took it, already knowing who it was from. Among other things Sirius had unearthed over the years at his families old house the inconspicuous pieces of paper were some of the most useful. One person could write and his or her note would be transferred to the other parchment. "Bloody Brilliant" as James frequently said.

James began to write…

**Hey Paddy! You got anything else on your party yet?**

_Of course my dear Prongsie (BTW don't EVER call me Paddy, people will start talking about my "leprechaun descent" again!) Our theme is "Wild West: Murder Mystery"_

**Riiiight**

_No, seriously! So far I have:_

_Rugged, manly and attractive Native American Chief as_….

**Let me guess… you:P**

_No… Moony! Duh! I'm going to be his Native princess!_

**This I gotta see!**

_Oh and you are a cowboy sheriff type guy._

**Thank God… I was beginning to think I was going to be a can-can dancer.**

_Nope, Lily is the dancer._

**WHAT! As in MY Lily!**

_Well she's not YOUR Lily Casanova._

**The love bites say other wise! But seriously, I was thinking. This is going to be our last party we have together, all four of us and I want to remember it. So my dad is sending me a video camera over in the next owl post.**

_Ooooo Prongsie wants to make "movies" at my party!_

**Paddy knows he wants to too but with LESS clothes on that Prongsie does.**

_Less but not none!_

**True**

_You reckon Remus wants to make my movie or yours?_

**Well we have been getting closer lately…**

_Don't even think about finishing that sentence Mister! This is a cowboy one. Sex, gambling drink and … Horse whips?_

**Don't forget riding**

_I'm an Indian… I ride Buffalo_

**Bare back**

_In a sexy Indian princess costume!_

**Let's hope it's not red!**

_Dude that's bulls!_

**Right…. Do Indians wear knickers?**

_I heard they were leaves!_

**Ewww!**

_Just kidding that was Snivellus._

**Double ewwww!**

Before he could reply Sirius felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Now Mister Black, I'm sure you're conversation with Mister Potter is extremely interesting but I think you'll find the 'Felix' you are brewing even more so. Don't you agree?"

"Of course Professor." Sirius grinned but he was sure he heard Remus whispering something beside him which sounded like,

"He better do 'cause he's not getting lucky tonight."


	3. Eyeballs and Kinky Sirius

A/N Yet another convo between me and Hannah rolls eyes we really should have done more work in our lessons! This is about our old physics teacher Mr Bride, he crazy bio teacher Dr Trotter (who feels herself up in class) and our Librarian, Mrs Gaulding (The Egg/The Beast). Enjoy!

Normal- Prongs

Italics- Padfoot (naturlich!)

Underlined- Moony

Bold- Wormtail

Professor Slughorn woke up this morning and had a red and swollen eye, it hurt him very much so he scratched it and it fell out.

_And then he and McGonagall got it on in a closet?_

Shut up Padfoot!

As I was saying he had wanted to be in the RAF 

_What's the RAF?_

Shut up Padfoot!

Anyway, he had wanted to be a pilot but he couldn't because of his eye kept falling out so he came to teach here.

That reject!

Hear hear!

_And then he and McGonagall got it on in a closet?_

That's why he never teaches potions involving eyes; it is a touchy subject…

_And then he and McGonagall got it on in a closet?_

SHUT UP PADFOOT!

Fine- he and McGonagall got it on in the library.

_Madame Pince maybe their love-child!  
_  
Ewwwww!!!!   
  
Padfoot!!

Moony!!!

_Prongs!!_

……..  
**  
Oh sorry… Wormtail!**

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a werewolf of arguable buffness must be in want of some chocolate.

Well less "universally acknowledged" and more "educationally guessed"… Ok this is Sirius we are talking about so lets make that "un-educationally guessed". But it still amounts to the same thing. Make our sessions in the passageway to Honeydukes with said werewolf of argu- well Ok you get the idea… or at least that's what Sirius thought…

Dear Daisy the Diary,

It's Sirius again, well who else would it be?

Anyway, I have a cunning plan! A cunning Valentines day plan!

I am getting peeved off with those girls in the third year looking at my Moony's gluti- glutamou- well his butt.

Its high time I got him to myself for a while… which, btw is NOT going to happen around the dorm! I mean, Prongs and Lily are always going at it, then Peter wants Moony to help with his homework (A three foot essay of the properties of three pond weeds is SUCH a turn off).

Anyway since we are totally unappreciated by everyone else (except those third year girls) I have decided to lure Remus into Honeydukes at midnight, have him choose his favourite chocolate (dark 72 with flaked almonds, see I'm a good boyfriend :P) , which I'll leave money for somewhere (so Lily doesn't kill me), and do blindfolded tasting in an abandoned classroom.

Oh Yes! Go on the Padster! Officially the best canine in the school!

Love Sirius xxx


	4. Of Parties and Peashooters

Dear insert name here,

You are cordally cordually invited to Sirius's birthday party.

You will be entering Lily's Last Change Saloon to solve the brutal, bloody, disturbing, gross-out... What Moony? No I am not exaggerating... look now you made me write what I was saying!...murder of Sheriff Pete Shooter (or P. Shooter for short tee-hee-hee)

You are to play (delete as applicable) a can-can dancer, an undertaker, a cowgirl, an Indian chief, a sheriff, a saloon owner, a mayoress, an Indian Princess.

Costumes are compulsory!

Other guests are: Remmie, Jimmy (James, we're trying it out), Pete, Lils, McGonagall (but we don't think she'll accept), Me, Martha Smith (the Hufflepuff Pete fancies… sorry Wormtail but you do!), Eva Fox (because she let me copy her charms essay last week and we need more friends).

Lots of love

Sirius xxx

The party took more time to plan than expected and was co-incidentally turned into a birthday party for Sirius, who insisted on having two cakes because he couldn't decide on Victoria sponge or chocolate. After much deliberation the cast list was taped to the Gryffindor notice board as follows…

Remus Lupin- Indian chief

Sirius Black- His Indian Princess

James Potter- Cowgirl

Peter Pettigrew- Sheriff

Lily Evans- Saloon Owner/Can-can dancer (at James request ofcourse!)

Martha Smith- Mayoress

McGonagall- an undertaker

Eva Fox- a tumbleweed called Widget


End file.
